Hero's emotions
by Blze001
Summary: A collection of emotional reactions to various situations in ME1, 2 and eventually 3. Follows my main Shepard, Damara, through her adventures. Some happy, some sad. Not chronologically ordered. F!Shep x Liara in some chapters.
1. Chapter 1

The elevator dinged, causing Damara to stir from her daze. She was vaugely aware of movement as Kirrahe and the other salarians helped the wounded to the medical bay. Kirrahe paused in the elevator door, turning towards her and saluting, "We will never be able repay you, Commander. You have the thanks of the Salarian STG... and my personal gratitude."

Shepard forced herself to smile and nodded tiredly, slowly limping towards her quarters, figuring Chakwas would have her hands full helping the salarians. _It's just a sprain... what's a sprain to the "great" Commander Shepard?_ She scoffed bitterly, glancing over towards the medical bay, watching as the good doctor ushered the non-injured and non-medical salarain team members out.

As much as she didn't want them to, she felt her eyes slowly drifting to the right, coming to rest on the lockers and feeling her chest twinge painfully. Screwing her eyes shut she turned slowly, letting out a shaky sigh, "Chief..." she looked up at Ashley, forcing her voice to stay even, "Have everyone get cleaned up... we'll have a debriefing in half an hour."

Ashley merely nodded, picking up her helmet and turning to leave, gently pushing past Garrus on her way. The turian had an expression that, although Damara was still learning to recognize turian emotions, seemed sympathetic. "Shepard, are you going to be alright?"

Damara wanted nothing more than to say something sarcastic, witty... hell, even a simple 'yes' would be preferable to the verbal impasse she seemed to find herself at. She simply shrugged her shoulders, "Do I have a choice?" she spoke simply, feeling her voice shake ever so slightly as her facade began to crack. She spun and punched her door panel, willing herself to stay calm. _Not here. Not in front of the crew. You're their leader, you need to be strong._

The door hissed closed, beeping as the lock engaged. Damara began shedding her armor, fumbling with the latches and snaps as her vision clouded and her thoughts began to wander back to that decision she had made no more than half an hour ago. She tried unsuccessfully to release a latch on her chestplate, becoming more angered and frustrated with each failed attempt.

She fell backwards against the wall, sliding down it and letting her tears finally escape her eyes, a strangled sob working its way out of her throat. _Kaidan... _her chest panged again, prompting her to draw her knees into her chest, burying her face into her arms as she lost it. Her mind filled with images of the Lieutenant: their first meeting as she joined the Normandy's crew, his earnest apology after the incident with the prothean beacon, the rage he showed when the council dismissed her accusations outright...

_I failed him..._ She brought one arm up over her head, running it through her bright red hair as a fresh round of tears fell from her eyes, _he trusted me and I failed him... I'm so sorry Kaidan... I'm so, so sorry..._

She managed to wrestle the rest of her armor off, slowly crawling to her feet and peeling off her underclothes as she stumbled to the sonic-shower, resting her head against the wall as it cleaned and disinfected. _Kaidan always hated these things..._ she chuckled, remembering how he would choose his shore-leave hotels based on their shower ratings.

Staring blankly at her dresser of mundane, Alliance Issue clothes, she felt her eyes dampen once more, remembering his excitement regarding the shore-leave that would certianly follow the defeat of Saren. _I'm sorry Kaidan... I should've... been better... stronger... something..._

She punched the dresser angrily, gritting her teeth as her mind raced for some way, any way, she could've saved him. Sent the Normandy to pick up Ashley and stayed with the bomb. Dropped the bomb from the Normandy after everyone was on. It all seemed to make sense now, it was blatantly obvious. Kaidan's death wasn't unavoidable, it was a result of her failure as a Commander. She shut her eyes tight, balling her hands into fists, _just like Pepper on Elysium..._

Letting out a furious scream she grabbed the framed Star of Terra on her dresser and heaved it across the room, shattering the case on the door. The force of the throw knocked her off balance, forcing her to fall back onto her bed and back into a round of tears, these fueled by anger towards herself.

A few minutes later, her omni-tool beeped, drawing her out of her trance and back into the world of being in command. She wiped her eyes roughly with her pillow, checking herself in the mirror and adopting a neutral expression as best she could. As she moved to leave, a reflection drew her attention downward: the Star of Terra, lying amidst the remnants of it's case. She scowled darkly, kicking it out of the way and storming out of the room, feeling anything but the "Hero" that damned medal made her out to be.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Yeah, took a little detour with this one. Strangely enough, I had a dream where Damara was doing the Uncharted/Tomb Raider thing and thought it was simply epic, so I decided to write it down. And of course, you can never have archaeology without everyone's favorite archaeologist, now can you?

* * *

><p>"Liara... why am I here?"<p>

A tired sigh reached her ears, "Same thing you were doing five minutes ago, Shepard."

"Right..." Damara leaned forward slightly, peering off the narrow precipice she was currently inching along, wincing as she mentally calculated the distance between her and the rather deep looking water below her. "And I'm the one risking her neck because...?"

Behind her, standing in the stone doorway they had entered through, Liara chuckled softly, her fingers tracing a strange script and brow furrowing in concentration, "Because you're more athletic than I am." She stood up and brushed her hands off, shooting her an amused grin, "That and I'm not nearly as reckless as you are."

"Thanks babe..." Damara ignored the sarcastic 'Anytime' response and took a deep breath, concentrating on the cliff opposite her. She braced her elbows against the wall and crouched down slightly, closing her eyes, "I got this. Just a little leap. No big deal." She whispered to herself, cracking her right eyelid open and looking down and laughing nervously, "No big deal. Yeah right, I there is 300 meters and a jagged rock down there saying otherwise..."

She took one more deep breath before kicking her legs as hard as possible, her elbows shoving the rock behind her and propelling her forward. "Hooooooly shiiiiiiiiiit!" She called out, her chest slamming into the cliff and her arms scrabbling for a purchase. Her fingers miraculously found a crevice and dug in, stopping her backwards slide. She kicked frantically with her booted feet and scrambled onto the plateau, rolling onto her back and breathing heavily, thrusting her fists in the air, "Yeah! Yeaaahahaha!"

She heard clapping from across the ravine, "Beautifully done, Mara! All the practiced grace of a krogan in an earthquake..." Liara ducked as a small rock sailed overhead, yelping slightly.

"Alright Smurfette, what's next?" Damara grinned as Liara's eyes narrowed angrily at the use of her least-favorite nickname. She rather huffily pulled out a data pad, turning it slightly, "It would seem... there is some sort of mechanism for lowering that block overhead."

Damara glanced around, snapping her fingers as she examined a pedestal, "I think I have something here..." she touched the stone block and it flashed, popping a hand crank out. Damara hesitantly grabbed the handle and pulled, to no avail. She shifted her position, placing both hands on the handle and pulling with all her might. The crank inched slightly, mimicked by the block above the ravine lowering a hair, showering Liara with a cloud of dust and dirt. Damara moved to the opposite side of the crank and pushed, her deeply treaded boots digging into the dirt-covered stone as she inched the handle ever so slowly, bending over so as to put her weight into the effort.

Liara hid a grin behind her hand, her eyes fixed on Shepard's khaki-shorts clad bottom as it strained against the ancient mechanism. Damara emitted a startled yelp as the handle suddenly gave way, the rock free-falling from its perch and landing with a loud crash, throwing up a massive cloud of dirt.

Liara pulled herself to her feet, coughing and waving the dust away, peering Damara's direction, "Damara? Are you okay? Mara!" She inched forward, finding the slab of stone had miraculously landed in the slots carved for it.

She heard a groan, followed by a few short coughs, "Yeah... I'm dandy... I think I broke the... uh... doohickey here though." As the dust settled, Liara saw Damara hesitantly inching across the stone, her blue tank top now a shade of greyish brown, as was her normally crimson-red hair. She grinned and looked down at the rock, "I made a bridge though!"

Rolling her eyes, Liara retrieved her bag, tossing Damara's roughly at her midsection, "I'm so glad you're having fun, darling. Never mind you destroyed a complex stone mechanism created by a species that predates both of our species combined."

"Goddess, you're such a killjoy when you're in "archaeologist" mood." Damara huffed, flipping the bag over her shoulder and moving back across the bridge. Liara smirked again, noticing Damara's use of the term 'goddess'. They had quickly realized that, upon spending a few weeks together, they had quickly adopted quirks and oddities from the other. Liara increasingly found herself using the term "I should go" and "shiny" in place of her usual verbal outbursts.

Damara skipped energetically up the stone stairway, skidding to a halt as she reached the top. "A door! This bastard's huge!" she called out, her hands roaming the usual opening mechanism locations. The door was easily 40 meters tall and half as wide, clicked loudly and groaned on its hinges as it began to creep open slightly. Damara dropped her pack and squeezed through the door as soon as it had opened a tick, leaving a rather irritated asari in her wake.

"Sweet... Jesus..." She heard Damara exclaim. Liara dropped her pack and briskly slid through the crack in the door, almost tripping as her foot caught on the edge. "What's so impress-"her words died on her lips as she looked up.

They were standing on a balcony of sorts, below them stretched an enormous cavern, easily the size of the human station Jump Zero. Filling the cavern was a maze of stone high-rise buildings, some stretching all the way up to the ceiling, others winding up the cavern walls.

Damara grabbed her hand and let out a victorious howl, her free hand forming a fist in front of her, "Suck it, academia! Foolhardy, untrained rookies; 1, stodgy professors; zero." She laughed, staring out at the city. Her laugher died off and she looked down, back up, and over at Liara, "Uhm... now what?"

"Look for another switch. There has to be a ladder or a ramp or something that leads down from here." Liara carefully examined the ledge nearest her, her hands shaking slightly in anticipation. Damara, again, let out a victorious exclamation as her hand depressed a section of the rock. The entire ledge shook roughly, throwing both girls off their feet and throwing up yet another cloud of dirt and dust. After an interminable time, the shaking ceased and the dust slowly began to clear.

Liara pulled herself to her feet, coughing violently and trying to wave the dust away from her face. She looked down and saw, much to her excitement, that a stairway had materialized out of the rock-face, leading down to the city below. Damara had taken the liberty of grabbing their packs and they descended the staircase together, each with their own thoughts about what the city would hold.

They reached what appeared to be a communal square with four streets snaking deeper into the city. Damara whistled and approached a crystalline statue standing in the center of the courtyard, "That's... what is that?" She tilted her head, "That could be worth a fortune if you could move it. I wonder if it's fragile..." her touch caused the statue to crack loudly and shatter, reducing it to a pile of blue shards in a matter of seconds. Damara slowly pulled her arm back, "Uhm... well... answered one question... I suppose..."

Liara groaned and buried her face in her hands. This was going to be a very, very long dig.

* * *

><p>AN: Just a fun little chapter, didn't even bother establishing what race made the massive underground city, nor what our two lovebirds were looking for. Hope you enjoyed it, I plan on getting back to my primary fanfiction soon, just running into a slight mental block, but that should be sorted out soon. Cheers!


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: More randomness from Mara and Liara. I want scenes like this in ME3, Bioware. Make it happen.

* * *

><p>"Calm down, Damara... you've got this." She spun in her heels for the umpteenth time, pacing back across the balcony as she continued to fight her nerves, "Goddess girl, you've faced down slavers, geth, collectors and a reaper, why are you so jittery?" She threw her arms up and let out a frusterated sigh, leaning against the balcony and gnawing on her lower lip. Below her, the picturesque skyline of Bekenstein stretched across the horizon, the buildings beginning to light up as the sun slowly set behind them, causing long shadows to stretch towards the house.<p>

"Shepard." Mara jumped slightly and spun, forcing herself to appear calm and collected. Despite her efforts, her jaw dropped slightly as Liara descended the steps. The white and silver dress clung tightly to her torso and hips before falling gracefully to her feet, mere millimeters from touching the ground. The silver glittered and reflected the setting sun, giving her a glowing appearance. She laughed and exaggerated her hip movements as she crossed the balcony, gently pushing Mara's mouth closed with her finger and pecking her lips softly, "I was going to ask what you thought of the dress, but I believe I have my answer already."

Mara laughed and ran her hands down Liara's sides, "You look incredible, sweety. Do you like the dress?"

"I love it!" She twirled slightly, smoothing it across her hips, "Truth be told, I never pegged you for the dress shopping type."

"Uhh, well... I kind of have a confession to make about that..." She rubbed her neck nervously, "Kasumi and Kelly... kind of helped... I'm useless when it comes to dresses and the like." She motioned to the simple red dress she was wearing, "This is about as elegant as I can get on my own."

Liara chuckled and kissed her again, "I know. And I don't care. It was a gift from you, that's all that matters to me." She looked back at the house, "What I would like to know is how you got a house this big on Bekenstein. Spectre's get paid well, but not this well."

"Aaah, the house. Yes." She grinned, "You can thank Kasumi again. It seems the previous owner, who tragically passed away flying his personal gunship, left his possessions to his new partner Ms. Allison Gunn. And Ms. Gunn, seeing as she preferred to live closer to her work in the Terminus Systems, sold it to one Commander Damara Shepard for an undisclosed amount."

"Goddess..." Liara rubbed her forehead, "And the authorities didn't find that series of events odd?"

Shepard shook her head, "Apparently stranger things happen when it comes to houses and the paper-trail withstood the usual paranoid scrutiny. Plus, they really aren't going to fight whatever turn of events lets them put "Home of Commander Damara Shepard" in their travel brochures."

"Excellent point. Kasumi forged a will and identity that fooled Bekenstien authorities?" Liara blinked and nodded her head slightly, "I just might have to offer her a job. I would find that challenging, even with my resources. How do you pay the taxes and such?"

Mara shrugged and leaned against the balcony, "Hock was running a massive smuggling operation out of this place. I own the entire hill, and there are 4 levels of storage catacombs underneath. I had the basement... vault... whatever... sealed off from them and I'm renting it out to a high-dollar shipping and storage company. The rent they pay covers the entire property, plus a little extra each month. And it's still less than what they'd have to pay elsewhere, so both parties win." She turned and spread her arms, "I'm actually making money off this place."

"Fearless warrior, brilliant tactician and a natural businesswoman? Why Shepard, you continue to impress me." Liara giggled and grabbed Shepard's arm, placing it around her waist and leaning in until their noses brushed against each other, "Are we going out on the town, or did you just invite me over to show off your new bedroom?"

Mara thought for a moment, "I think we could make time for a bedroom tour." She laughed as Liara rolled her eyes, "But that's not the main reason I asked you to come."

She stepped back from the balcony, grabbing Liara's hands in her own and gazing into her amazing blue eyes, "Liara... I don't know what is going to happen when the reapers come. I know that I'm going to fight them, and I know that I have the best people in the galaxy backing me up. But I don't know how it's going to end." She rested her forehead against Liara's, "But I do know how I want it to end and, damn the odds, that's what I'm going to plan for."

"And how do you want it to end?"

Mara took a small step back and reached into her purse, "Like this." She pulled out a small purple-felt box and opened it, revealing a sterling silver ring inlayed with brilliant white diamonds. She held it up and

smiled, "Liara T'Soni... will you marry me?"

Liara clapped her hands to her mouth, eyes opening wide in surprise. "Mara..." she whispered, a tear gently falling from her eye.

"You can keep your current line of work. This house has military-grade communication equipment and I could have Tali and Mordin set up a work-center for you in the vault." Mara quickly added, "The Citadel relay is only three jumps from the Hagalaz one, it's only a day's travel. And it's safe. They'd have to get through the Citadel's fleet before arriving in this system-"

She was cut off by Liara jumping at her, kissing her deeply and wrapping her arms tightly around her neck. She broke the kiss and laughed, "Of course I'll say yes, Mara. I wouldn't care if "home" was the Normandy, here or a backwater colony, I'd always say yes."

"R-really?" Damara's smile reached new heights. Liara laughed and nodded, offering her hand. Mara nearly dropped the box twice fumbling for the ring, gently sliding it onto Liara's finger, the silver and diamond shining brightly against her soft blue skin. Their lips met again, arms forcing their bodies tightly together and tears of bliss sparkling on their cheeks.

After joyous few minutes, they reluctantly broke the kiss. Liara slowly turned her hand, examining the ring that she had been secretly waiting for since Shepard commented on marriage and having children on the Normandy those months ago. She rested her head on Mara's shoulder and let out a blissful sigh, "Now what?"

Mara grabbed her hand and pulled her to the house, "Now I give you that bedroom tour, Mrs. Shepard."

* * *

><p>AN: I'd imagine there would be a debate about who is changing their name. That or they'd use the hyphen. Commander Damara Shepard-T'Soni has a nice ring to it.


	4. Chapter 4

The bar shook as the glass slammed into it, a defening roar following close behind as yet another challenger fell to the night's champion. Mara grinned lopsidedly, leaning awkwardly across the bar to scoop up the credit chits that formerly belonged to the very unhappy human slinking back to his uproariously laughing friends in their booth.

"Al-allright... I got... one more in me...wh-ooo is nexsht..." The effort she had to put into speaking was painfully obvious, something that didn't escape the notice of the dark-haired woman sitting next to her.

"No no, Mara... I think you're done..." Samantha waved away a Krogran who had jumped up at the chance to try and out-drink the human, drawing a darkly muttered insult as he lumbered away. "I doubt the bar could survive another contest economically, anyway. Are you sure you aren't abusing your metabolism?"

Mara giggled uncontrollibly, almost falling off her chair and just barely stabilizing herself, "My abilities wif... the drink.. have nnnothing to do wif... the nanites." She stood and posed, drawing herself to her full height (all 5'3" of it) and proclaimed bodly, "Ahts th' blood of th' Scots coursin' through mah veins!" This sudden standing must've caused her to get light-headed, Sam's quick catch saving her from falling unceremoniously onto another patron.

"Yes, well, us Brits always did view your people's affection with whisky as a rather... self destructive one." She shook her head, "You aren't exactly changing my opinion on the matter." She glanced up at the bar's clock and raised her eyebrow, "Say, Mara... remember that opera you were taking Liara to?"

Mara climbed back onto her barstool, shrugging, "Yeah... what about it?"

"What day was that on, again?"

"To-night? Yesh... tonight... later..."

"What time?"

"Uhh... shhhheven... sheven thirty." She nodded sharply, obviously pleased with herself for remembering as much as she did.

Sam raised both eyebrows and pointed to the clock, smirking as Mara slowly followed her gauze and crinkled her nose in confusion as she tried to make sense of the display. The rate at which Mara sobered up astounded her, as did the size of her eyes when the little drunk scotswoman comprehended the "6" followed by a "55" on the clock.

"Oh fuck... ohfuckohfuck..." Mara jumped to her feet, almost falling over a second time, "Sam, I'm screwed! There's no way I can get back to the house, change, and make it to the opera! Oh goddess, Liara is going to kill me." 

Sam resisted the urge to laugh and spun Mara around, pushing her towards the bathrooms and handing her a toothbrush, "You go in there, brush, try to clean up as best you can. I'll be right back."

Mara didn't even question why Samantha was carrying a toothbrush around and took off as fast as her drunken state would allow her towards the bathroom, amazingly only spilling two drinks and bumping into 10 people on her way. She fiddled with the toothbrush a little, puzzling out how to work the odd layout, and brushed with one hand while her other tried to tame her hair.

The door opened and an asari tried to walk in, only to be shooed away by Samantha, who slipped in with a bag over her shoulder, "Sorry, sorry, galactic emergency, sorry." She slammed the door in the bemused asari's face and locked it, spinning and tossing a small case to Mara. "Makeup, just fix up what you have on, you look fine."

Still a little confused, Mara turned to the mirror, applying the makeup as quickly and as steadily as her inebriated hands would allow. As she finished, she turned and stared dumbfounded as Sam pulled her favorite dress and shoes out of the bag, complete with the medallion, and ran a quick portable wrinkle remover over them before handing them over with a smile.

"Sam... if I survive tonight, I'm giving you anything you want. I swear to god... anything." Mara quickly pulled her shirt, bra and pants off, grabbing the dress and carefully pulling it on and making sure it fit right. Her boots were quickly replaced by the heeled shoes, and her medallion magically appeared on the dress as Sam quickly looked her over, fixing a few makeup spots and trying with a little more success to tame the wild red hair.

"Here... these mints will remove lingering alcohol from your breath. Now c'mon, if we hurry, we can get to the house in time. Chop chop!" She popped a mint into Mara's mouth and ushered her out of the bathroom. "Thank you for your patience, ladies. You have served your galaxy well!" She pushed Mara past the line of bemused ladies and out of the bar, summoning an aircar on the balcony while she continued to fuss over Mara's hair, "I know you get... carried away in the bars... so I took a few precautions. It's up to you to mask your... inebriated state when you get there, though."

Crawling into the aircar quickly, Mara smiled up at Sam, "Don't worry... fear is an incredible detoxing agent." This drew a laugh from Sam and she pushed the door close, waving and giving her a "good luck" thumbs up as the car drifted away and quickly raced for the opera house.

Mara let out a shaky breath, stairing at her hands and mentally fighting off the fuzzy drunkeness as she popped two more mints into her mouth. The car ride lasted far too long, and at the same time not nearly enough, ending at the grandeous Shakespeare Theatre and Opera House. Mara clambered out of the aircar, knocking her head on the door, and glanced around for either Liara or a chronometer as she rushed in the front door.

"Ah-HEM." Mara froze in her tracks and turned slowly as Liara walked up to her. "7:28... you cut it a little close, sweety." To the untrained eye, one might think Liara was pleased, or at the very least only lightly miffed.

Mara, however, knew far better and bit her lower lip awkwardly, "Uhm... yeah... well... I kind of didn't leave myself enough time to get ready so... it was a rush..."

"Was it." Liara's eyes narrowed as she stepped closer, backing Mara up to the wall and analyzing her, "Or was it more a case of you having a wild night and forgetting about our date?"

"Uhm... well..." Mara rubbed the back of her neck, slouching slightly under Liara's gaze and swallowing with her suddenly desert-dry throat, "Yes?" The admission was meek and barely above a whisper.

Liara scoffed and leaned back, her eyes shriveling Mara even more, "And I'm to assume the only reason you're here on time and remotely presentable is because Samantha is a far better friend than you deserve?"

Mara simply nodded slightly, eyes wide with fear.

Letting out a loud, infuriated huff, Liara spun without a word, her stride skillfully mixing grace and fury as she made for the auditorium. Mara exhaled for the first time since the conversation started and quickly scampered to catch up, falling in a few paces behind her and looking every bit the whipped puppy she felt.


End file.
